Fellow Americans,

We the members of the John McCain/Sarah Palin campaign would like to apologize personally, and on behalf of the Republican candidates for president and vice president of this great land.

Much has been made of Barack Obama’s name, particularly that middle name “Hussein,” and we have made some unfortunate implications that he might be a terrorist sympathizer, or might even actually “pall around with” certain terrorists, domestic or foreign.

And at various campaign rallies, some members of the audience have shouted things about Obama that sounded a lot like “Terrorist,” “Traitor” and “Kill Him.” We continue to believe that those may have not been the actual words…perhaps “Rarest bits” and “Inflater” were what people were really saying in the first two cases, to reference his rareness (as in not being cooked enough by the fires of experience) and his propensity to make grandiose and airy statements.

And the “kill him” reference probably just meant “kill him in the polls” and not literal murder. Really.

Look, we admit we were wrong to paint Senator Obama as a possible terrorist element or secret Muslim or anything like that. We had what we thought was reliable intelligence on those matters and, frankly, we just got carried away. And if vile things perhaps really were said at McCain/Palin rallies, the candidates themselves certainly were not at fault. They probably just didn’t hear the comments or assumed that Secret Service agents would quietly locate and remove (or shoot) the offenders.

No, we are forced to admit that Senator Obama is indeed a God-fearing, Christian, experienced candidate. He is fully qualified to run for president and possibly hold the highest office in the land.

Still…

…Well, we hate to say this. But you see, because there has been some tension these past several weeks, and perhaps tempers have been inflamed, we have to urge each and every one of you, particularly Obama supporters, to vote for McCain/Palin.

You see, it really is the only choice. If Senator Obama becomes president, we will be living in constant fear, as a nation, that he might be assassinated by one of the few dozen white racists left in the country. And that might incite a race war, or at least some very nasty riots in our largest cities. None of us want that, do we?

Also, because of the concern that some deranged individual or two or three or however many are left in this nation might be overstimulated in their anger, we fear that death threats and risks to Obama will require the Secret Service to expend enormous resources, in terms of money and staff and time, to protect him. In this time of financial upheaval, the United States certainly cannot afford to front that kind of money to protect a black president. We estimate that it will cost upwards of $17 trillion to ensure the safety of a Barack Obama presidency.

Please, as patriotic Americans, make the proper choice in November. Vote the white…we mean, the “right”…choice: McCain/Palin.

Cordially,

The Campaign Staff for McCain/Palin in 2008