23
May
11

Post-Rapture Wrap-Up

So, as you might have all assumed, May 21 passed and the followers of Harold Camping turned out to be wrong that the Rapture was coming that day.

Well, you’d be wrong!

Hah! I’m in Heaven right now tweeting while Jesus checks out some movies on Netflix, and I’m thumbing my nose at you because the Apocalypse is soon to start. And I bet you haven’t seen much of Kirk Cameron, either! He’s right here next to me, talking to God about how wonderful bananas are (bananas being the “atheist’s nightmare”)!

OK, yeah, you caught me lying.

I wasn’t raptured, and now for that lie and for making fun of Kirk Cameron, I never will be. *SadProgressiveChristianPanda*

I’m still really busy in life, mostly re-engaging with Mrs. Blue in some most amazing ways and also with Little Girl Blue in very different but also amazing ways. So, I don’t have any huge thought-provoking posts in me. And so, while I realize that the whole “ridicule the rapture” thing from last week is probably already at the “jumping the shark” stage, I’m going to be lazy and leave you with a series of some of my Rapture-related tweets over the past few days about the whole Rapture Debacle, in chronological order from oldest to newest:

I’ll probably only be raptured if I cancel my Saturday plans & stay home to repent nonstop

Don’t worry, there’s no cellulite in Heaven (which is good, considering there are apparently no clothes, either)

Dear Rapture Predictors: IF there is going to be an actual Rapture (& it’s not simply symbolism in Bible), you will NOT have advance warning

Rapture called off, everyone!…back to your regularly scheduled human failings, foibles and outright deviancy…

At roughly 1:40 a.m. EST on 5/21/2011, I experienced rapture, but I don’t think it was the kind the twenty-firsters were predicting.

Special today at Starbucks until 6 pm PST: The fraptureccino !

Understand, of course, the fraptureccino isn’t for everyone: coffee, mocha cream base, caramel syrup, blood, wormwood, small bits o brimstone

Unless media has finally tracked him down, I’m assuming Camping, given his silence, has been raptured to Barbados with flock’s $$$

Now that the rapture is old news I wanna move on to next order of business: Our new reptilian overlords, soon to arrive from Alpha Centauri

The only post-Rapture wrap-up I care to pass along (wish I’d written it) http://www.caffeinatedpriest.com/2011/05/whats-not-left-behind.html

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2 Responses to “Post-Rapture Wrap-Up”


  1. May 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    i dunno. i spent saturday swimming with my youngest, got to also spend some time with my 18 and 21 year olds, managed to NOT fight with my ex, spent sunday morning bike riding [35 miles lost in kissimmee] with BF and sunday afternoon working at the poetry vending machine, volunteer poetry writing booth. sounds like heaven tome!

  2. May 23, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Heaven’s where you find it, ain’t that the truth!


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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

Jeff Bouley

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Jeff Bouley

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