Splitsville by Miz Pink

mizpink01.jpgYou know what this place needs? A woman’s touch. But apparently, the deacon couldn’t talk the missus into blogging here just yet.

So he convinced me I ought to start blogging (my own place to come soon, though I don’t know if the religion thing will really be my bag). I hope ya know whatcha doin, Deke. I wouldn’t want to be in the Blue household when Mrs. Blue finds out you took my bloggerginity.

On the serious side I’ve been assured by the good(?) deacon that as long as I don’t go all heretical on him and keep some sort of Christian slant to things, I can feel free to post one topic a week here. I sorta “forgot” to mention to him that my first topic would be a two-parter. Oops! Seeya Saturday, Deke!

The name is Inda Pink or Miz Pink and I think I have some things to say. And today, I wanna talk about the big D-word, divorce. I have some experience here and I’ve thought alot about what it means to me as a Christ-centered woman.

Seems alot of the hard-core fundie Christians I’ve ever been around have the notion that divorce is no-go. Ever.  Like, only if God comes down and says it’s okay kinda never.

Embracing Jesus didn’t result in me sticking my head up my nether regions. There are plenty of good reasons for divorce. Plenty against it as well. But you have to be some kinda vicious to wanna keep many of the people who want divorces together.

God’s not exactly encouraging divorce either. Don’t get it mixed up. Even Jesus said being married to one and only one person is the way it is supposed to be.

But were are not divinely stuck for life to someone. In some cases, the ties that bind just need to be snipped nice and clean. And quick. And dirty if necessary.

I mean, what about those beaten or emotionally abused spouses? Are they supposed to just sit there and take it until they end up as psychic wrecks, or worse yet dead? I want to start clawing some eyes out whenever I hear some freak say “Oh, the wife needs to stick by her man. Her faith can save him. Her love can change him.”

Free will, baby. The man has free will to keep messing my ass up. And he probably will once he has a taste for it. My sticking around or your sticking around or her sticking around doesn’t equal recovery. It signals that you’re willing to keep taking a beating. Patience won’t change the person. But it could get you killed. Bastard has free will to do the wrong thing to me over and over.

Beauty is, I have free will too. Free to leave. And I did it. Better than using my free will to do something more in the style of that Farrah Fawcett flick The Burning Bed. I have a few scars, physically and emotionally, from my first marriage. I left a few too, but I didn’t want to leave anymore of them. For one thing, I was getting hurt more than he was. For another thing, I just don’t like that kind of merry go round. Why keep fighting back or worse yet keep taking hits, when I don’t have to?

Anyone who says God is loving and tells you to remain with an abusive husband doesn’t really understand love or God. Raise your hand if you think God’s idea of a perfect marriage is yelling and hitting. I have a kid from my first marriage and another one from the second (yeah, I’m on my second husband now but I picked smarter this time), and I like the environment they’re in now alot better than the one my oldest was in.

I didn’t need my oldest get old enough around a bad marriage to start thinking that what his father did was normal (or that my responses were either). Sticking around sends a message that this must all be allright. That’s not the message I want to send. 

Husbands and wives are supposed to treat each other like they treat themselves. Paul said so in the Bible. And if Jesus told us to love our neighbors I sure think he wants husbands and wives to be loving and not fighting all the time.

Sure argument is part of marriage but a pattern of abuse never is.

Okay, got a little bitter there. Bad memories. And yes, I know abuse is an  o b v i o u s  example. And an easy one. So I picked the easiest defense for divorce. Sue me. But this is just part 1 of my rant on religion and divorce. Tomorrow I’ll challenge myself a bit more. Stay tuned.

(No, the picture isn’t really me. But gawd, she’s pink. How could I resist using her?)


2 Responses to “Splitsville by Miz Pink”

  1. 1 Deacon Blue
    March 13, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    Miz Pink said: I sorta “forgot” to mention to him that my first topic would be a two-parter. Oops! Seeya Saturday, Deke!


    Sneaky, sneaky. Oh, hell, I can probably use the day off. Spend Friday with Mrs. Blue and remind her you and I are just friends.

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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

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