Beat down by Miz Pink

My father is a law-and-order type. Literally. His job. Figuratively too. In other word, the home was ruled with an iron fist. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was abused. I didn’t get hit all the time for sport. My father didn’t get out his frustrations on me. But when I stepped outside the rules, even a little, you can best believe I got the beat down.

Sure, it was always the butt or the back of the thighs (Okay, except the one time I came home high and way after curfew….that got me a slap across the face. Calling my father a bitch once got me more of the same), but these weren’t light slaps and smacks. Objects were used. Sitting down afterward was a chore. Or walking right.

I’m not saying this to call my father out as some kind of demon. I love him. He could express love in his own odd way and in “normal” ways too sometimes. He was faithful to my mom. He provided. He made me laugh. He was and is my daddy. And I didn’t turn out messed up in the head. I know alot of folks want to make out like corporal punishment is always abuse and screws kids up but that wasn’t my experience. It was punishment. Harsh yes but not abuse.

REally though I think we need to be careful how and when we punish our kids. I think we need to go for something other than a spanking or telling the kid to go out and pick out his own switch. But among the Christian set, let’s be honest…more than a few will turn to a certain passage quicker than a flash if you call them on corporal punishment..the “old spare the rod” thing.

Proverbs chapter 2313 Do not hold back discipline from the child, although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Hell. And then Proverbs 13:24 too..He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes.

Listen, mothers. Fathers. Steparents. Grandparents. Babysitters.

Heck, everyone. Listen up.

Those passages aren’t rooting you on to hit the little children or the big teenagers or any kids. Now I’m not telling you this out of some hippy dippy point of view. I’m not some granola crunching let my kid do whatever the hell they want anywhere anytime mom. I used spanking semi-regularly with my son. When he did something really serious. So, maybe a dozen spankings when he was a child. Total. Over maybe 4 or 5 years.  I had something called the pinch I used more often on his thigh to get his attention and prevent the need for something more serious.

With my daughter, I eased up a bit more. I tried to remember that too often her moods were the result of my moods. Her behavior was the result of watching my actions. I had to take some responsibility for when she didn’t “behave.” I also tried to find more creative ways to get her to do right and ways to punish her that were more fair and more appopriate. Doesn’t mean I didn’t spank her by the way. But I spanked her less than number-one son.

Now, I have a third child on the way. With this one, I hope to never raise my hand. But I also don’t rule it out.

The reason we are not supposed to “spare” the rod is because children need discipline. We have to bring them into line and teach them right because they live in a world of rules and because we want them to treat other people right. No matter what the hippiest-dippiest thinkers out there say (and I’ve read some of the more extreme non-punishment, never even use the word “no” kind of folks) kids don’t just naturally grow up and learn manners and good behavior and respect for rules. People just naturally want what they want and will take what they can and following the rules just isn’t fun. So parents must teach, and then correct gently if needed…and take things away if needed…and whup that ass if really needed.

The “rod” isn’t always a stick or even a hand and you aren’t really going to save a kid from going to hell just by beating them up alot. Shepherds used rods to get those sheep moving but I don’t think they were smacking the hell out of them. What good is a bunch of matted and bloody wool? Rods can be used to point the way, to gently nudge and to make a really loud noise to get someone’s attention. They dont always have to be for hitting.

In fact, that should be our last resort. You can be a good parent while using corporal punishment on a regular basis. But you can also slip into using it all the time and for petty offenses, and then you’re not such a good parent anymore in my book. You can also be a good parent by never using punishment if you get lucky with the personality of your child…or you can raise a snarky kid who does whatever he/she wants and talks back to adults, and then you’re a bad parent without ever having raised a hand.

Don’t spare the rod. But don’t swing it all the time. Do yourself and your kids a favor and learn moderation. Listen to them and talk to them more and hit them less. You’ll all be better for it. We all will.

(BTW, I really recommend people give some thought to the thoughts of Pam Leo and pick up a copy of her book Connection Parenting.)


3 Responses to “Beat down by Miz Pink”

  1. 1 Deacon Blue
    June 3, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    I see the place isn’t burning down in my absence. More importantly, you didn’t change my top banner to pink like you threatened.

    Carry on. 🙂 I should be fit and ready to rock and roll again by next week.

  2. 2 OG
    June 5, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    [NOTE from Deacon Blue…the comment below was misposted to this post and was meant for the post at https://holyhell.wordpress.com/2008/06/04/woman-on-top-by-miz-pink/ I’ll just leave this here rather than delete it, along with this little note to point you to the post OG is referring to. Cheers!]

    Well Mz. Pink I am inclined to agree with you and why it probably is too smart for my first comment on this blog to be in disagreement with the views of the blogs vacationing owner….oh well I’m don’t always do the smartest thing.

    I am in total agreement about men being heads of households and all that jazz, but at the same time one must look at all the editing that was done to the Bible. Many scholars agree women were all up and through the Bible teaching and preaching with Jesus. Then after Jesus and Paul left this earth the church changed things in an effort to make Christianity more palatable and just because it was a pretty sexist time back then even after Jesus had walked around shaking things up! And sure Paul may have said no, but it wouldn’t be the first thing said by Paul that was misinterpreted or taken out of context.

    Look at the theory that Pricilla was in fact the leader of the Pricilla and Aquila duo, when they let Paul lay his head down at their home that kinda challenges the head of household thing and let’s not forget Mary, she too wrote a gospel that for what ever divine reason did not make it into what we hold today as the Good Book or the fact that the first people to preach the gospel were in fact women.

    When Mary and crew left and told the disciples and the world the Savior has risen, wasn’t that the first gospel sermon? And while there are not any in the Orthodox Judaism there have been women Rabbi’s. I just find it hard to believe the God that I worship would prevent women from being a Pastor. Nice post!


  3. July 23, 2008 at 8:10 am

    rock on pink!! totally agree with this…i believe in corporal punishment but it definitely has its place and time…and as i learned from my own experiences, it CAN be abused!!!!!!!! thnaks for the insight!

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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

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