Archive for July 25th, 2008


Age Appropriate

I’ll be honest: May-December romances don’t make me warm and fuzzy very often. Doesn’t really matter what the respective genders are; I’m equally squidgy about older men with younger gals and older women with younger guys. I hate to be judgmental, but I always find myself wondering about the motives and, frankly, the judgment of those involved. Mind you, I’m not talking about five-year differences or even ten-year ones. Hell, at certain points in life, even 15 years ain’t bad. But there are few places in a person’s life where I can even wrap my mind around why two people with a 20 or 25 year difference or more could possibly connect on any meaningful level, unless the youngest of them in well into his or her 70s.

And sometimes—and we all know this in our hearts—even five or ten years can at times be a huge deal. Hell, to me, for a high schooler to be dating someone five years his or her senior is mind-boggling, and I pretty much assume the older member of the couple is a cradle-robbing perv.

Someone who’s fresh into college probably shouldn’t be getting together with someone 10 years older.

Fifteen years’ difference, to me, only becomes acceptable when the younger of the two is well into his or her 30s at the very least.

I know we’re talking adults mostly here (kids are always off limits for sex, but Miz Pink already addressed that in this post here), but still, even among consenting adults, lack of good judgment concerning age is still lack of good judgment. I know that my “rules” are somewhat broad-stroke and maybe not entirely fair. Also, I realize that all rules have their exceptions. But exceptions are supposed to be rare, and it feels to me like there are still way too many May-December things going on out there.

I mean, doesn’t it seem more than a little fucked up that Hugh Heffner is not only still sleeping with women less than half his age but also has some fairly young kids? And doesn’t it seem like Catherine Zeta-Jones with Michael Douglas is a little too much he’s-old-enough-to-be-her-daddy? And I just don’t get what brought Demi Moore and Ashton Kucher together aside from what I assume must be some pretty hot sex or something—if they have much else in common, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Taking it back to more down-to-earth folks, why do so many middle-age men still leave their wives (or at least cheat on them heavily) with women who are between 18 and 21 years old? Couldn’t you assholes as least get someone in the mid- to late-20s?

Some of this was brought to mind by the fact that my son just watched American Beauty, which is, by the way, a great film. It also has some disturbing stuff, like the unhealthy infatuation that Kevin Spacey’s character develops for his teenaged daughter’s equally teenaged friend. And lately, we seem to have a slew of female teachers going after their male students, a kind of pervy behavior that used to be the sole purview of menfolk. Must women take on the worst traits of men to feel truly equal?

I know this is a bit of a ramble this post, but I just don’t get it all. And don’t tell me about how in the Bible, or even in recent centuries, people got married in their teens and were already having babies. Times are different, and people live longer. We can, and should, wait until we are more emotionally developed these days. I don’t want to hear bull about “old enough to bleed, old enough to breed” or “old enough to cum, old enough to have fun.” Just don’t go there with me.

There is no spiritual or godly argument you can fashion without me wanting to laugh in your face or crack it in a couple places. We grown ups should be going after grown ups. I certainly can appreciate the beauty of the girls my son has dated, but I haven’t felt a twinge of lust for any of them. They belong to a different strata of humanity that I have no business having such feelings for. As far as I’m concerned, they might as well be another species.

But then again, people also use the Bible to support belief in plural marriages. Now isn’t that a great one, too. Men tacking on more, and generally younger, wives to keep having babies and to keep their dicks feeling young I guess. Yeah, really holy. Did any of them notice in the Bible that multiple wives were pretty much limited to the King of Israel? It wasn’t a wide practice to have multiple wives; it was a privilege of questionable merit. Just because Solomon had some young hottie “warming his bed” in his old age doesn’t mean you should, too.

(By the way, I actually did two posts today, so if you haven’t already done so, scroll down the main page of the blog to see the companion post to my adulterously oriented one a couple days ago, this time with men my wife might cheat on me with…just a little fun to counterbalance this bitter rant here.)

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Mrs. Blue’s 7th Commandment Hot List

All right, in my Women I’d Break the 7thCommandment With post from a couple days ago, the women have chimed in with some of their thoughts, both male and female, and WNG for one has rightly pointed out the eroticultural (patent pending) discrepancy that exists in having those 10 women and my lustful ramblings about them, along with some lovely little shots of them—and yet nothing to represent for Mrs. Blue’s libido and, by extension, the fantasies of my female readers.

As I noted in the other post, Mrs. Blue just doesn’t have the same level of the celebrity lust thing that most of us do, and her list is, therefore, far too small to get to ten. However, because I am a creative sort who finds all sorts of ways to get around his wife’s lack of time to guest-post here, I am going to present to you her top five “menzes” that she’d step out on me for, the three that she has already mentioned and two more that I am twisting her arm to generate. Then I’ll provide my top five suggestions for men I would, regrettably, also allow her to sin with if she had the chance. Hopefully, she’d come back to me after sowing her oats, but she’s made it pretty clear that a couple of the guys in her picks could push me out of the picture entirely.

(Yes, I’ve clearly been on a more sex-oriented kick this week and less of the pseudo-scholarly ramblings. Even my other post that I’ll be doing later tonight has sexual overtones, though from a more moralistic standpoint.)

Mrs. Blue’s Picks

Benicio del Toro

Even Mrs. Blue admits he’s not a classic “looker,” but she digs his deep thoughts. I think that it would be hard for him to steal my wife away entirely because, based on the interviews I’ve read featuring him, he’s almost too deep. The only real-life man who ever posed a real threat to me winning Mrs. Blue’s heart suffered from similar “too-deepness.” Sometimes, having too much intellect is just too much pressure for the other person unless he or she is an academician. But even beyond Benicio’s mental sexiness, I admit that I can see something in his eyes that would draw women in: The brooding, almost melancholy smouldering look that almost seems sleepy but also somehow says, “I want you, and I can have you, and you know it. Come to me now.”

Terrence Howard

Not a man who is necessarily “classically” handsome in that chiseled beefcake style or perfect facial features, but someone who just has a package that exudes masculine sensuality. There is something of the stalker in him, and I don’t mean the creepy “I’m outside your window looking at you” kind but the type of man who might prowl through a nightclub, capturing the eyes of most of the women, the hearts of those he actually engages in conversation or dance, and the actual time of one or more of them back at his place. My wife freely jests that he seems to do a little too well in film roles that have him as a man who might (or does) smack a woman across the face from time to time. But we all know that dangerous-seeming men and women have their own allure. And I have faith Mrs. Blue could block any backhand attempt or return it in kind.

Rick Fox

I don’t know if my wife had a thing for this guy before we rented Meet the Browns a week or two ago, but she made it abundantly clear to me while watching him steam it up with Angela Bassett (who made my top 10 list of women, by the way, if you don’t recall) that I could kiss our marriage goodbye if he declared amorous intentions toward her. He’s a handsome man, I’ll grant that, but my son says he looks “kind of goofy,” so I find myself wondering if it’s really his looks that got my wife steamed up. Or is it his voice (she’s a sucker for aural stimulation) and the way he so deftly projects a vibe that exhibits masculinity and sensitivity?

Roger Guenveur Smith

My wife still calls this guy “Mr. Monroe” and I don’t remember in which movie he played a character with that name, but she reminded me years ago when we were watching Get On the Bus (in which he played the character Gary) that he was one fine piece of man and that I should despair for our marriage if he ever called her up. I could give Mrs. Blue all sorts of hell for digging an actor so much while still not knowing his name, but then again, if she got him alone in a room, she’d probably make him forget his own name.

Morris Chestnut

OK, this guy isn’t actually my wife’s pick, but that of Hawa, who authors the blog Fackin Truth. She had thrown his name out there as a male sexpot, and since my wife couldn’t come up with a fifth, we’ll just go with Hawa on this one. I approve of him if for no other reason than he’s bald (like me) and rocks a goatee (as I do about half the year; full beard the other half of the time). Got his start in Boyz n the Hood, a fine movie if I do say so, and apparently he’s an excellent Texas hold em player. My wife always did harbor dreams of becoming a pro gambler (or a bounty hunter)…

My Picks

George Clooney

Look, first of all, my wife’s list is short on racial diversity based on personal preferences (I’m an exception to her normal predilections), so I have to balance things out a bit for my racially mixed readership. Also, George Clooney is consistently voted as, and widely considered to be, one of the sexiest guys around, and he’s young enough for me to still consider him acceptable for my wife (otherwise, it might have been Sean Connery in this slot instead). I know that it’s become such a truism that George is suave, self-assured, accessible, friendly, cool and good-looking that it’s almost a cliché now. But still, he is a man that is so cool that even if he stole my wife, I might be willing to be drinking buddies with him afterward.

Kurt Elling

Another white guy, but Kurt Elling transcends race in many ways. He’s soulful, he’s one of the most talented jazz vocalists alive, and he earns the respect of not just white folks but also many black artists in jazz—and in hip-hop and R&B (even crusty underground rapper M.F. Doom listed him as one of only maybe 5 or 6 musical artists that he didn’t consider “whack”). This is a man I’d choose for my wife because of sheer talent and seeming emotional depth, and not because of looks. Because, while he ain’t ugly by any stretch, he isn’t exactly going to be on any beefcake-style posters either.


This is actually my son’s pick. Mrs. Blue doesn’t feel any particular tingle for the guy, but she has admitted to our son that he’s a handsome guy, and he does have both musical talent and some potential acting talent. So, like with my inclusion of Scarlett Johanssen in my list based on my son’s taste, I’ll do the same with Common here. He’s got a listtle activist in him, and that is something that appeals to Mrs. Blue’s sensibilities, and he’s stayed true to Trinity United Church of Christ, of which he is a member last I heard, even after the media brouhaha over Pastor Rev. Jeremiah Wright that prompted Barack Obama to jump ship. That’s one thing that Mrs. Blue still hasn’t really forgiven Obama for, though she’s still going to vote for him.

Laurence Fishburne

I had briefly considered putting Denzel Washington on this list, but according to my son, the man done “plumped up a bit.” Not that such a thing would be unheard of in Hollywood for an upcoming role, but I don’t know. My wife just spent two years getting off excess maternity weight and adopting a pretty healthy lifestyle, and Denzel can be kind of stiff anyway sometimes, so despite being handsome and talented, I have to nix him. But Laurence Fishburne has always struck me as “Denzel-like” in terms of being serious, having great talent and seeming to be thoughtful and intelligent as well. He isn’t as handsome as Denzel is (or was, if my son’s dispersions are correct), but he’s still good looking. So, he makes my personal “final five” for Mrs. Blue.

Christian Bale

Look, I’m still trying to keep the races somewhat balanced here. Would have loved to add an Asian man for good measure, but I can’t think of a single celebrity of Asian descent that would remotely mesh with my wife. And I’m not coming up with too many Latino hunks that I think would either; we’ll have to leave it with Benicio del Toro for that. So, another white guy to finish out the list. Christian Bale is classically good looking, is currently sporting a very nice-looking physique in The Dark Knight (and did in Batman Begins, too), and he is a great talent. Moreover, he owns both the Bruce Wayne and Batman sides of his role. My son and I are big Batman fans, and so the next best thing to putting Batman on the list is putting Christian on it (and since I picked a Batman-related character in my list of hotties—Catwoman—it seems like nice corollary to have a Batman-related celebrity in Mrs. Blue’s list).

Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

Jeff Bouley


Jeff Bouley

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