Two-fer Tuesday: Failure by Deacon Blue

george_w_bushFailure is often in the eye of the beholder. As George W. Bush and his friends and associates run out the clock on this lamest-of-lame-duck presidencies of modern memory, they are trying to figure out how to cast the legacy of Dubya. Apparently, how to put a good spin on an abyssmal eight years. I suppose they’ll manage something, because after all, even a pile of shit can be spun positively as potential fertilizer.

At the blog Margaret and Helen, where I like to visit but usually don’t leave comments, I was kind of verbose (three or four comments) in one of their recent posts. And at one point, someone asked if anyone really thought Bush did a good job and if so, how?

I couldn’t resist, and made a list of five “successes” of Dubya’s adminstration. I’ve added five more so that we can get a nice top ten list, though it’s in no particular order.

President George W. Bush’s Great Successes in Office

  1. He ran the country just as well as he handled most of his personal life (college education and recreational beverage use most notably) and as well as he ran most of the businesses ventures in which he was involved previously.
  2. He didn’t get involved in any sex scandals (no doubt he feared having a high-heeled shoe impale his skull courtesy of Laura…that might explain his skill at dodging shoes thrown by irate Iraqi journalists).
  3. He helped his staff, advisors and several world leaders get some exercise and fresh air at the “Texas White House” he spent so much time hiding…er, I mean working at.
  4. He helped keep the Al Quaeda Mobile Dialysis Services Company in business by NOT catching their best client.
  5. He helped get the Supreme Court more involved in politics…it was about time those apathetic bastards decided an election!
  6. He put the “tan” back in Guantanamo Bay by locking up dozens upon dozens of people with Arabic names/backgrounds even if they hadn’t done anything demonstrably wrong.
  7. He brought torture back in style, which put the “Gua!” “O!” and “Ay!” back in Guantanamo Bay as well as adding “Please…no more…mercy” and “Gyahhhhh!”
  8. He streamlined the workload for the office staff that handles Social Security by getting rid of that pesky surplus money and using it to wage a war for God, America and Big Oil.
  9. Through the “No School Left Behind Act,” he boosted the sales of number 2 pencils and Scan-Tron machines by making ill-advised standardized tests the barometer of success for our nation’s beleaguered schools.
  10. He helped sour the American public so much on the idea of electing “the person you’d most like to have a beer with” that we ended up not only with an intelligent man elected again, but also our first black president.

7 Responses to “Two-fer Tuesday: Failure by Deacon Blue”

  1. 1 thewordofme
    December 16, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Deacon, you are way to lenient on the man. He is arguably the worst president we have EVER had and I predict there will never be one to ever surpass him in lack of intelligence and bad moves as a head of state. I try to smile about the man, but I can’t :-] I voted for Reagan,Nixon, and Goldwater…That’s how much of a Republican I am.
    Have a good week

  2. 2 Deacon Blue
    December 16, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Oh, no…I think the man is the most worthless pile of DNA to ever occupy the Oval Office. Certainly in the mid-19th, 20th and early 21st centuries. We might have to adjust for how much the times have changed to truly compare him to anyone before the Industrial Revolution.

    He is a disappointment to me as an American citizen and as a Christian. And as a homo sapien, frankly.

    But I figured this list would be a lot more entertaining a way to highlight a few of his failures than to simply rant about the man.

    BTW, any of y’all can feel free to expand the list of Dubyas “successes” (wink, wink…you know what I mean…) here in the comments. Let have some fun with this, guys and gals.

  3. 3 thewordofme
    December 16, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    He helped America get rid of those Bill of Rights that we didn’t need anymore.

    He showed us that the president doesn’t need to uphold the constitution, even though he swore too.

    He showed us all that the president can do what he damn well pleases…never mind about the laws that are supposed to prevent such.

    His administration showed just how much eveil can be done by a vice-president.

    There’s more, but I have to eat dinner now.

  4. December 16, 2008 at 10:54 pm

    You mean, writing all that didn’t put you OFF your dinner?


  5. 5 Deacon Blue
    December 16, 2008 at 11:20 pm

    So, in the spirit of the soon-to-be-absent Bushocracy, I think it is only fair to cast TWOM’s list in an officially sanctionable light.

    The first three can be condensed quite easily…

    NEW and IMPROVED Constitution! Now with Patriot Act and extra jingoism, PLUS a shorter and easier-to-remember Bill of Rights!

    As for the last item, clearly, what Bush really did was…

    Empower the Vice President to be a more self-actualized force for paradigm shifting.


  6. December 17, 2008 at 3:29 am

    Bush was for a long time a reflection of who we were as a nation: A people convinced of our on invincibility militarily and economically, seduced by the creed that might is right, persuaded that our national interest should be the world’s interest, and that God is on our side.

    We’re not feeling all that cocky right now. And that’s a good thing. We can give George Bush credit for that.


  7. 7 Deacon Blue
    December 17, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Good point. Bush has taught as least some of us (hopefully most of us, but I won’t get our hopes up) some humility.

    Now, let’s hope he learns a little himself…

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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

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