Failure is often in the eye of the beholder. As George W. Bush and his friends and associates run out the clock on this lamest-of-lame-duck presidencies of modern memory, they are trying to figure out how to cast the legacy of Dubya. Apparently, how to put a good spin on an abyssmal eight years. I suppose they’ll manage something, because after all, even a pile of shit can be spun positively as potential fertilizer.
At the blog Margaret and Helen, where I like to visit but usually don’t leave comments, I was kind of verbose (three or four comments) in one of their recent posts. And at one point, someone asked if anyone really thought Bush did a good job and if so, how?
I couldn’t resist, and made a list of five “successes” of Dubya’s adminstration. I’ve added five more so that we can get a nice top ten list, though it’s in no particular order.
President George W. Bush’s Great Successes in Office
- He ran the country just as well as he handled most of his personal life (college education and recreational beverage use most notably) and as well as he ran most of the businesses ventures in which he was involved previously.
- He didn’t get involved in any sex scandals (no doubt he feared having a high-heeled shoe impale his skull courtesy of Laura…that might explain his skill at dodging shoes thrown by irate Iraqi journalists).
- He helped his staff, advisors and several world leaders get some exercise and fresh air at the “Texas White House” he spent so much time hiding…er, I mean working at.
- He helped keep the Al Quaeda Mobile Dialysis Services Company in business by NOT catching their best client.
- He helped get the Supreme Court more involved in politics…it was about time those apathetic bastards decided an election!
- He put the “tan” back in Guantanamo Bay by locking up dozens upon dozens of people with Arabic names/backgrounds even if they hadn’t done anything demonstrably wrong.
- He brought torture back in style, which put the “Gua!” “O!” and “Ay!” back in Guantanamo Bay as well as adding “Please…no more…mercy” and “Gyahhhhh!”
- He streamlined the workload for the office staff that handles Social Security by getting rid of that pesky surplus money and using it to wage a war for God, America and Big Oil.
- Through the “No School Left Behind Act,” he boosted the sales of number 2 pencils and Scan-Tron machines by making ill-advised standardized tests the barometer of success for our nation’s beleaguered schools.
- He helped sour the American public so much on the idea of electing “the person you’d most like to have a beer with” that we ended up not only with an intelligent man elected again, but also our first black president.