26
May
09

Married Life

Gotten off the blogging track again. *Sigh* Difficult space right now. Too many things to do, trying to keep my thoughts and emotions reined in…not enough time.

Many, perhaps most, of you know the drill.

Anyway, just a quick thought today. Maybe I can at least manage quickies for the rest of this week, and maybe sneak in another installment of the novel before the weekend.

Today, marriage in on my mind, if for no other reason that my own is going through some changes right now.

No, not getting divorced, unless Mrs. Blue is planning something behind my back. Unlikely, since if she wanted out, she’d just tell me straight out. 😉 No, not separating. No, not fighting. No, not sleeping in separate beds.

Just changing.

Part of it comes from our youngest child, who in now almost four years has turned our life upside down (and that’s not always a bad thing) in ways Son of Blue never did. In fact, at 17 years old, Son of Blue never turned our marriage inside our or upside down at all. Little Girl Blue, whole different story.

Part of it financial woes and stresses related to them.

Part of it is just getting older.

Part of it is changes in each of us, the wife and I, where we haven’t necessarily drifted apart but where we don’t synch in all the ways that we used to.

It’s hard, because on top of all my other life stresses, I don’t want to deal with big changes in my marriage. After 12 years of doing this, I don’t want to try to discover new ways to connect and to re-evalaute the ways we relate to each other.

And that’s understandable. It’s also selfish.

Things do change. That’s a fact of life. And marriages are among them. People change and marriages consist of two people.

Not all the changes are bad, but there are one or two things that have gotten lost recently that I would like back. Fact is, they might never come back into the equation. Or they might with some work. But I have to be prepared that their loss may be a permanent thing, and I may need to find other things to replace them, or simply adjust to the changes and focus more on what’s still there.

The Bible tells us that a man and woman should cleave together and become one. I agree with that. But marriage is always a work in progress. Hell, when I was single, I had to deal with changes within myself, and they weren’t always pleasant. I didn’t get rid of myself, and I’m not getting rid of my wife, either.

In the end though, the question I have to ask is, what’s most important? Love. And the question is, do I love my wife and do I look forward to making this marriage work better, even when things change in big ways?

And to that, I can only say what I said some 12 years ago.

I do.

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6 Responses to “Married Life”


  1. 1 societyvs
    May 27, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    Things change – but it does not mean it always has to be negative. Re-evaluate what you want from your wife (and her from you)…who says you can’t go back to those moments you cherish?

  2. May 28, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Keep working man. I know exactly how you feel though.

  3. 3 Deacon Blue
    May 28, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Agreed, SocietyVs…I know that you know of what you speak, and I don’t see it all as a negative. But, like most people, change bothers me. And even someone as relatively unselfish as me still has selfish desires. 😉

    ——————————-

    Big Man…I know you’ve posted infrequently on your marriage, but often enough that I know that you, too, know what I’m talking about. Thanks for the support, as always.

  4. May 29, 2009 at 9:36 am

    Sometimes change can be ironic and deep, can change every aspect of your life and relationship, and yet be good. http://silknvoice.blogspot.com/2009/05/very-special-relationship.html Not that it will be, necessarily, but it is necessary to life.

    Deke, I just want to express my appreciation and respect for the vulnerability that you show on this blog. I see many that reveal little of the true nature of the person blogging (usually focused on single-issue politics), and I think they are weaker for it. It takes courage to show yourself to the world as a whole human being, with doubts and weaknesses as well as “perfect” logic and strength. You do it well.

  5. 5 Deacon Blue
    May 29, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Thanks, Seda.

    It helps sometimes to get things out there, even when I can’t or won’t share certain details of things in life. Lord knows, this is cheaper than therapy. 😉

  6. 6 societyvs
    May 29, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Here is my word of advice…listen to your wife and love her as she asks. Then you will find the reciprocal will also happen. I also don’t think it is too late to re-flame the passion that is within the both of you…just need to inspire one another to that end.


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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

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