Dude-y Daycare

Little Girl Blue is now attending preschool. This necessitated a move from her daycare facility to a different facility, though both programs are run by the same organization. I’m not so thrilled with the lead teacher, nor is Mrs. Blue, but we were very pleased to see that the assistant teacher was one that Little Girl Blue used to have sometimes at the daycare.

Yay! Continuity is a time of transition.

Problem is, this teacher is a man.

This isn’t a problem for me or Mrs. Blue. You see, one of our daughter’s best teachers at the daycare was a man. In fact, that man sort of mentored the one who’s at her preschool now.

The problem is the mother who was quietly (but not quietly enough, which was probably her intention sadly) telling the lead teacher how her son was afraid of the male teacher.

I don’t normally judge by appearances, but the woman’s body language, facial expressions and demeanor made both me and Mrs. Blue think that the mama was projecting. That is, she ain’t comfortable with a dude as a teacher, and she wants to make waves to probably get him eased out of there.

I know that men in teaching, particularly at the daycare and preschool level, are not the norm, but this kind of prejudice and discrimination bothers me every bit as much as racial crap.

In this day and age when so many kids lack male figures in the household, I applaud any man willing to teach kids. Regardless of the age of those kids. Gender doesn’t dictate how nurturing you are. It may have an influence, but I think that influence is overrated.

And it makes me upset to think how many mothers are bringing their kids to the center and seeing “potential child molester” instead of “valuable teaching asset.” Because judging by my impressions thus far, this mother is of a type that seems pretty prevalent among the other parents sending their kids there.

16 Responses to “Dude-y Daycare”

  1. September 19, 2009 at 8:10 am

    I hear you on this one. Trust me, discrimination against males starts pretty early now. Just look at the school systems in place, they sure arent geared towards teaching boys. In regards to the male teacher its amazing how some people dont see men as nurturing. It reminds me of the saying, “Tell a lie long enough and loud enough and people will believe you”.

  2. September 19, 2009 at 8:46 am

    Ditto. I don’t think we are as nurturing, in general, but male nurturing has a flavor for which there is no feminine substitute. Prejudice has so many faces. I knew a guy’s mother in law who saw potential child molesters in anything with two legs and testicles. It would make me sad to hear her vocalize around the children (they had a big extended family). I would also speculate as to what made her that way.

  3. 3 societyvs
    September 21, 2009 at 11:31 am

    I am on this line of thinking also – I am starting to hate a womans point of view (sorry if this offends any women on here) because it’s the only one being valued wherever I go – and the male is seen as cold, heartless, emotionless, rough, abrupt, etc. I would say compared to women – yes – men can seem cold and all that other cool stuff that sells rap cd’s. But is this the extent of a man?

    I have come to believe, by personal observation and conversation, men and women function from altogether different psychologies (mind frames). What a woman finds offensive a man may not. What a man find offensive a woman may not. Thw world embraces the kinder more gentler woman – with the compassion for the young and for everyone…I think we all are pulled to that in general (very motherly). The problem is the man – he needs to change to fit that mold also. Problem is…he never will.

    I am a man and I have nothing in common with some things women think and feel…I just don’t. I try to and I try to – but I cannot. I am not a woman nor do I neccesarily think like one. I don’t need to be affirmed about a lot of things I am deciding to do – I just make the decision and bare the responsibility on my own (for the good or bad). I am not cute and cuddly (or pretty for that matter) – I am beast like in ways – but that’s required sometimes lest we forget. Ask you man – if someone accosts you outside some house party or mall – you think he is going to stand there and allow it? No the beat within kicks in. And they say we don’t know how to show love…when it all goes down we come around.

    Maybe this is my complaint session? Don’t know – just know I am sick of having to frame my life into some woman’s worldview which I cannot nor will ever attain. So I feel sorry for Mr. Daddy Daycare – yes he will be asked to fit into a mold he cannot…but he will try his *ss off to do so…because it keeps him in a job he loves. These woman will complain (or hit on him depending on who they are and how he looks) and ask him to change – this is what woman do (is it bad? No). Will he be able to…no…and I feel sorry for him.

    Now blast me.

  4. September 21, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    I understand that child molester leap, but I don’t appreciate it anymore than I appreciate it when folks assume I must be a car jacker.

    The idea that women are more “nurturing” is true. However, that doesn’t mean that mean don’t provide valuable input when it comes to child rearing, and I’m of the opinion that most little boys respond BETTER to instruction by adult men. It’s been my experience that little boys are naturally drawn to older men and want to receive attention and instruction from them in a way that is not duplicated with women. This is particularly true for little boys who lack father figures.

    Now, this creates an opportunity for abuse, no doubt, but I still think that randomnly rejecting men as child care workers is a mistake.

  5. September 21, 2009 at 12:56 pm


    You made some good points about the different mindsets men and women have as a result of both nature and nurture. We are not similar, we were made to be complementary.

  6. September 21, 2009 at 3:06 pm


    verb (used with object) 1. to feed and protect: to nurture one’s offspring.
    2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
    3. to bring up; train; educate

    noun 4. rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
    5. development: the nurture of young artists.
    6. something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

    Men Do Nurture………..We just do it differently. 🙂

  7. 7 societyvs
    September 21, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    “We are not similar, we were made to be complementary” (Big Man)

    The most truest point I ever heard on the differences on men and women came from a Jewish voice concerning Adam and Eve – and studying one Hebrew word from this phrase ‘I will make him a helper suitable for him’…the word suitable.

    Well in fact the Hebrew term says something about them being ‘opposites/against each other’ and not so much about the suitability aspect (as one interpretation of that wording). That aspect makes more sense to me – the woman has what the guy needs and the guy has aspects the woman needs – seperately they may be much weaker in those traits. But they bring these aspects out not in ‘happy shiny people compatibility’ but more like in the terms of ‘friction’…in finding out how against one another they may be. It is in this ‘fighting/arguing’ the best aspects of one another is refined to it’s greatest extent.

    Now I am sure most men here have to admit one small thing – do you ever argue with your wife? Often enough for you to remember the last time you have? It’s a normal process and I think a healthy one…we are not the same and in order to truly be heard on both sides (guy to girl and girl to guy) it just might have to get emotionally chaotic for a few minutes. We are that different – we can be saying something and they percieve it a lot different than we said it (and vice versa). If we want to avoid ‘eating the apple’ – argue!

    I don’t think I hate women per se – I just find all my women friends but various limits on me about who I am and what I do. My men friends are not about boundaries per se – it’s more about humor and sometimes a deep intellectual convo or to or just plain stupidity. I feel with women they want me to ‘live up to some ideal’ that they see as ‘normal’…and if I don’t – I am in the wrong. I have begun to beg to differ…and if this is the case – I will have to remove these women as friends…only one person has that right…my wife. Maybe I cannot be friends with women?

  8. September 21, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Maybe I cannot be friends with women?(Societyvs)

    In the movie “when harry met sally”, Harry had some definate wisdom on that one. 😉

    If you havnt seen the movie I suggest you watch it with your wife.

  9. 9 societyvs
    September 21, 2009 at 6:16 pm

    “If you havnt seen the movie I suggest you watch it with your wife.” (T4T)

    It’s not my wife I am having the problem with – it’s the other women friends in my life – acting as if they have a ‘say’. My wife has the ‘say’ and the right to question me on anything and everything – but my women friends…if they don’t like the guy I am no one is twisting their arms to be my pal. Or maybe it is just me – over-reacting to women’s sensitivities on many issues?

    For example, I had a friend the other day that wanted me to defend her actions – just be supportive of them as another ‘woman’ she said. I told her I am not a woman nor can I condone actions I know that will hurt her in the long run. Then I had to wonder – who the hell are your woman friends that ‘condone’ such actions? Are they even friends? Then I was criticized for not backing her play – being cold and emotionless and not realizing her selfishness was what mattered – she just wanted to ‘feel like a woman’. Oh brother.

    That’s one small case in a hoarde of cases that have come rushing back to my mind in the past few days on this issue. Most are much more minut mind you but of the same type of type-casting of men as friends to women. I am generalizing mind you (not all women are like this – are they?). Which makes me think – can I just be friends with a woman with no real expectations? Or am I sick of idealism?

  10. September 21, 2009 at 6:23 pm


    The movie is a comedy. I meant for you to watch it for its Humour. I think someone needs to buy you a pint. 😉

  11. 11 Deacon Blue
    September 21, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    I’ve been pretty fortunate with my women friends in life, in that they don’t expect me to fit some mold and don’t try to have a say in my life beyond any other friend’s “friendly advice.” On the other hand, I also trend a bit on the sensitive side, so I’m not an average guy and I’m not an uber manly man either.

    However, what I have seen that can be very infuriating to me is on discussion board where the population is all (or almost all) female, there is sometimes a level of judgmentalism toward men that I find appalling. This is especially true on parenting boards that my wife visits.

    I don’t know if it’s just the population that such boards attract or the fact that gathered together, they bring out the worst in each other.

    Though, I suppose, the same is probably found on boards where men are almost the exclusive gender around.

    In things related to children, though, it seems like many women expect their views to take pre-eminence merely based on the fact they give birth. And I think this is pretty unreasonable to assume that possessing ovaries and a uterus makes one the ultimate authority on childrearing, any more than a pair of balls makes one the ultimate authority on fixing things around the house.

  12. 12 societyvs
    September 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    “The movie is a comedy. I meant for you to watch it for its Humour. I think someone needs to buy you a pint” (T4T)

    If it comes on TBS or something I will watch it – I know it’s a comedy – with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan – everyone knows that scene where she is in the restaurant doing the orgasm thing.

    Maybe your right – what I am saying is quite humorless – I admit that. Screw the pint – bring a case and we can see where that leads (lol).

  13. 13 Deacon Blue
    September 22, 2009 at 2:02 pm

    I think Tit for Tat might have been referring to a scene and recurring sentiment in the movie from Billy Crystal’s character that men and women can’t truly be friends because the guy is always thinking, on some level, of getting in the woman’s pants.

    I watched the movie recently with my wife, but didn’t see that scene specifically, so might have not gotten gist 100%

  14. September 22, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    You got Deac.

    Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

    Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

    Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too.

    Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU?

    Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

    Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.

    Harry Burns: I guess not.

    Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

    So Funny listening to Billy say it. 😉

  15. 15 societyvs
    September 22, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    I have had that conversation with people also – the validity of men and women being friends…I came to the conclusion it’s possible…if one of the two parties is taken already…removing the barrier of singleness.

    I actually remember that scene and oddly enough I could hear Billy Crystal’s and Meg Ryan’s voice uttering those lines.

  16. March 5, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    Great Blog!……There’s always something here to make me laugh…Keep doing what ya do 🙂

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Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

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