Posts Tagged ‘domestic violence


Truth vs. Reality

On my Twitter feed today, one of the folks there had retweeted a link to YouTube video of a woman in an abusive relationship who took photos of herself everyday for a year and ran them one after the other like a video timeline.

This is it (and there are some pretty ugly parts, especially the longer it goes on):

Now, in the YouTube comments, there are some who cried “fake!”

Moreover, some who cried fake and then stated or implied that the video was thus pointless.

No, it’s not pointless.

It is real? Quite possibly not. I started wondering myself, thinking, why would someone do something like this, taking selfies as a project to document her abuse and willingly stay in that abusive relationship? I could not fathom how someone would think it important enough to do this and also be willing to risk their health, safety and life to carry it out. So, I myself am dubious. I’m supposed to be cautious and cynical; I’m a journalist and editor.

The bigger question, though, is whether this video is truth.

And, yes, that it most certainly is. What is portrayed is very much the face of abuse (literally and figuratively). This is the kind of thing that happens in these relationships. You’ll have a lot of good days in many of them, followed by very bad ones. And the bad days often begin to occur closer together and get ever more violent.

That is the truth.

Whether the video is real doesn’t matter. It delivers the message very poignantly and effectively.

Sometimes we don’t need reality.

We need a dose of truth instead.


Don’t Try It, Buster by Miz Pink

Seems like everyone else is bloggin about Chris Brown’s beat-down of Rihanna so why not yours truly right? I admit to listening to some silly pop and hip-hop and such on the radio, so I’ve heard both of these kiddos and their music is empty but harmless enough.

pink-gangster-galApparently, Chris Brown hisself  wasn’t so harmless though.

I’ve seen discussions about this and some back and forth between men and women about what constitutes an abuser. If one time hitting a woman sufficient to label a dude as a wife beater or abusive boyfriend. If not, where is the line? Is it how early he does it in the relationship? Whether he slaps you or beats the living daylights out of you? Not an easy question to answer though some people seem to think they have all the answers.

I was kind of curious how the bible chimed in on all this. I know the New Testament is pretty clear that men should honor their wives and even the parts in there where they are told to submit to their husbands it doesn’t say word one about hitting being okay where a spouse is involved. (Here and here are a couple places I found that we’re pretty easy to read and had lots of passges) Can’t really find anything in the O.T. either. Yeah, there are a few parts where some pretty unsavory things are done with regard to women or allowed to be done, but nowhere is it condoned that assaulting a woman is okay, as far as I’ve been able to tell. Sure, some textual stuff gets taken out of context to justify crap, but the racists and tyrannical preachers and other assorted wackjobs always twist stuff and misuse it for their own ends.

So, we’re clear there. Bible says keep the hand in check.

But even aside from that violence against women is a dicey thing. Too many women are killed by it or scarred by it and it just isnt right so the best thing is to never hit at all not even once.

I mean sure, if I got into it all hot and stuff with Sir Pink and things got really weird and he smacked me it might be that I’d let one time slide (not without some kind of payback, but I might give you a second chance…I don’t know.) I know there’s no third strike. But since I’m not even sure I’d forgive the first, how about this: Don’t go there at all.

No reason to hit me and find out the hard way that your out on your butt thereafter. Or find out that I’ll snap and take a paring knife to your soft and privates. Or for me to take a swing and find out that I get a slap or a fist in return. Let’s all of us keep the violence out of the fights since words can do enough hurt as it is. Men and woman should both keep their hands to themselves unless it’s to touch or stroke or whatever.

There’s enough violence in the world without brining it agaisnt someone you say you love.heart-in-sand

and oh yea…Happy Valentine’s Day.

Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

Jeff Bouley


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March 2023

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