Posts Tagged ‘father


Pre-Father’s Day

So, tomorrow is Father’s Day. If my little girl wasn’t frequently mentioning that she and Mommy need to work on my secret gift, I’d probably not even realize it was coming.

That isn’t to say that I don’t think it’s a fine day. It’s a good excuse to call my own Dad, since he isn’t the most talkative sort and weekly or even once a month phone calls would probably be stretching our conversational material. Much better to interact with him in person, where long silences can be comfortable instead of awkward. I mean, silences on the phone have got to be the most awkward of all.

Also, it isn’t that I don’t like being appreciated myself as a father. I really do.

But I guess I just feel a little weird, and even guilty, at having a whole day that is supposed to be about me, simply because I have highly motile sperm (with the rapidity of which Mrs. Blue has conceived on the couple occasions we went off the birth control options, I could have myself a very old-school Catholic-sized family apparently…apparently, fertility is not one of the problems we face.)

I mean, I love when my wife recognizes me for good fathering (she also has been known to lambast me about some things, too, so don’t go sending me a “perfect father” trophy). I adore when Little Girl Blue tells me I’m a great daddy or when Son of Blue gives me his honest and loving admiration and respect, just because he feels moved to do so. Those things warm my heart. They are honest and can move me almost to tears sometimes.

But at the same time, I don’t feel like a fantastic provider right now because, frankly, I’m not. Career changes and economy have not been kind. So, when I think about all the things I couldn’t do for my wife on Mother’s Day…or her birthday…or Valentine’s Day…or our anniversary, I feel a strong sense of guilt that Mrs. Blue and Little Girl Blue are working so hard to give me things and bake me things and cook me things. (Son of Blue is away at a political science-style camp, so he’s not involved in all this.)

In the tradtion of Wayne and Garth from “Wayne’s World,” I just want to shout, “I’m not worthy!” Maybe I am, but I don’t feel like it. Not worthy enough for a day to be devoted to me.

Maybe that’s my own Dad in me. He never really cared that much to celebrate his birthday or Father’s Day or anything. He’s a humble guy, and that’s probably rubbed off on me.

Anyway, Happy Fathers’ Day, a day in advance, for all my fellow dads out there.


Immaturity saves

missing.jpgThere are times when the old lingo gets in the way. I love the King James Version of the Bible, but the archaic language is sometimes a stumbling block. Which is why I have a study version of that Bible so that I can get a sense of what the true meaning and context is, and I also have more modern-language versions.

Because let’s say you read this in the KJV Bible:

Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. (Gospel of Mark, chapter 10, verse 15)

You might stop there and say, whoa, Jesus is telling me if I haven’t already repented during childhood, it’s too late?

Granted, a more thorough reading of the Bible regarding salvation would show you that just isn’t true. Take, for example, the hundreds of people who came to Christ…and God…after Pentecost, when the apostles were just getting started with their post-crucifixion work.

A better translation of this passage is something like this:

Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.

And now we get to the point of it all. In terms of faith, we have to approach God as a small child approaches a parent. And that’s very appropriate, given that God is our Father. Think about how many times our parents told us, “You may not understand or like what I’m doing, but you’ll understand when you have children of your own.” Damn it if they weren’t right a lot of the time when they said that.

We may not always like God’s rules or understand why some of them exist, but it’s not our job to like them or to understand them. Sometimes it’s just our place to obey and to trust. God is not an abusive parent. The sufferings of the world are not inflicted on us by Him but as a result of the fact we screwed up the world and made it a troubled place, along with the fact that Satan often assails us with suffering to make us doubt and mistrust God.

God wants us to choose to love Him and he wants us to be the best people we can be. And sometimes, that means we have to admit that we are woefully immature compared to Him. We have to hold on to Him and trust that our best interests are at heart.

To do any less is to be unruly children. And often, we are, even the most well-meaning of us. Even there, though, it’s all good if we have Jesus…and even if we don’t. Because God still loves us unconditionally. He may be disappointed in us, and He cannot save us if we disown Him by rejecting Jesus, but He’s always waiting there for us to take care of us.

And we need some taking care of. You notice the mess we’ve left on this world? And you thought little Timmy’s finger painting job on the antique armoire was bad…

Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

Jeff Bouley


Jeff Bouley

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June 2023

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