Ken & Ted, Sittin’ in a Tree…

Over dinner tonight, Mrs. Blue announced that as of earlier in the evening, when she was playing with the Barbie-type dolls with Little Girl Blue, Ken left Barbie and entered into a relationship with Ted (Ted being a large Indiana Jones action figure missing one boot, and the booted foot half-gnawed off by who-knows-what animal of who-knows-what former owner of the doll).

This probably didn’t shock me as much as it might have on any other night.  Both dolls were buck-naked the previous day when Little Girl Blue was playing with them, while the 8 or 10 dolls that were women remained stylishly attired.

In any case, I have no problem that my wife helped maneuver Ken and Ted into a same-sex relationship (for now…you know how transitory these celebrity doll relationships are…). Two of our best friends are gay and raising a daughter together (who happens to be one of my daughter’s best friends). The doll relationships should mirror some semblance of reality, even if their wardrobes, homes and cars are too fabulous for imaginary individuals of questionable employment status.

Nope, I have no problem with Ken and Ted being gay, bisexual, bi-curious, heteroflexible and/or homoflexible.

What I have a problem with is the blithe manner in which my wife disregards that Barbie is now forlorn and abandoned. She’s emotionally bereft.

And yet with all those fabulous female dolls (Ken and Ted are the only guys among that style of doll; the action figure guys are just too small in stature to be trying to get with Barbie), including several Disney princesses (and one Spice Girls doll who no longer has any identifiable neck and thus slightly resembles an emaciated linebacker), did my wife hook Barbie up with anyone?

No.

This is heinous and unjust.

Now, as to whether I feel this way because (a) I want to support the “L” in the suddenly LGBT environment among some of the dolls, (b) I’m concerned about Barbie’s well-being and feelings, or (c) because I have the same desire as most guys to imagine woman-on-woman action at least a few times a day…well, I’ll leave that to your own guesses, judgment and imagination.

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