Posts Tagged ‘sex

03
Jan
12

Slip-Slidin’ Away…

Ladies and gentlemen…recognizing the legitimacy of homosexual and bisexual relations, along with recognition of same-gender marriage, will not lead to some collapse of civilization. Trust me. Given the fact that some of you may think homosexuality has never been a publicly endorsed concept, maybe you need to do a little more research into some ancient Greek folks who had some feared and effective military forces in which getting it on with your shield-mate was perfectly fine.

So, why is the whole same-sex sex thing on my mind again?

Recently, I started following a Twitter account called RP_Newsletter. It’s a great account that spends most of its time showing how crazy, deluded, homophobic and racist Ron Paul is by printing excerpts from the various newsletters he now claims he had nothing to do with (despite having publicly associated himself with them in the past). The account gets a bit repetitive at times, but it’s nice to be made aware of just how out-of-touch and dangerous many of Ron Paul’s views have been (and chances are he still holds most or all of those views). For example, Ron Paul seems to have a notion that the rise of HIV/AIDS is directly linked to rising acceptance of homosexuality in society, which pretty much proves he must have been a shitty physician, since any doctor worth his salt knows that sexually transmitted diseases don’t give a shit as they evolve into nastier forms whether you’re banging a fellow dude on the sly or openly.

Also, we have Rick Santorum in the race to be the GOP presidential candidate against Ron Paul and others, and I love how that jackass seems to think that legal recognition and acceptance of same-sex stuff will lead to legal incest, bestiality, pedophilia and adultery.

That last one really tickles my funny bone, given the fact it’s not really illegal to commit adultery NOW, and it’s far more widely practiced than same-sex relations. In fact, it’s one of the most popular sexual activities among Democratic AND Republican politicians alike.

But what this all has me in mind of is that strange notion that if we acknowledge that some people are gay (or bi) and that they have a right to make that choice as grown folks and be proud of who they are, that there is some slippery slope awaiting that we will all fall down, with civilization as we know it dragged down in tatters behind us.

Such a notion shows that believers of such things don’t have much in the way of critical-thinking skills. Of course, it’s also become clear to me that given how insanely obstinate, cruel, obstructionist, classist, evil, greedy and mean-tempered so many conservatives are these days, most who support them obviously don’t know what critical thinking IS (especially if they are working-class or poor folks supporting the GOP).

First off, there is no slippery slope connection between homosexuality and pedophilia. Despite all the high-profile stories of priests and altar boys, the fact is that pedophilia isn’t about same-sex relations. It’s about sick fucks who abuse children, and a lot more heterosexual sick fucks out there do it than homosexual sick fucks. You see, homosexuality is way different; it’s overwhelmingly about people making decisions to have sex with other age-appropriate folks who happen to have the same sexual apparatus. Point is that homosexual relations are overwhelmingly consensual. Pedophilia is overwhelmingly abusive and non-consensual. There is no comparison.

Same thing with bestiality. Animals can’t give consent. Aside from the fact that equating sexual relations between two people with sex between a person and an animal is just plain damn rude, ignorant and insensitive, there just isn’t a comparison. Sexual relations with an animal is forcing YOUR desires onto the animal, which inherently has less power than you do with your bigger brain and opposable thumbs. Sure, there are a few dogs here or some other animal now and again that might take the initiative to mount a human, but generally speaking, they don’t want to go there. But again, recognition of same-sex relations, which are consensual, does not compare to bestiality at all.

And incest…well…OK, there is a potential progression there. I admit it. At least if we’re taking consensual incest. If you’re talking about Uncle Joey making inappropriate moves in his young niece or nephew, that’s pedophilia primarily, and the incest portion is just secondary crap that make the whole situation sicker. But there are folks of consensual age who are attracted to close relatives and don’t see anything wrong with having sex with them. For me, this is a taboo area. I think it’s an inappropriate line to cross. But at the same time, who the hell am I to tell, for example, two adult siblings whom they can or cannot have sex with? Why should there be any issues of legality involved here? Why should we be able to criminalize the act of ANY two adults in full control of their faculties that involves sex? Logically, there is no reason, because it’s between those two people and no one else.

Sure, I see value in criminalizing adult choices that put others at risk or cause them undesired harm (such as driving under the influence or choosing to rape someone), but the only risk of incest aside from the “ick factor” most of us feel about it is a slightly increased risk of genetic problems in any children. But Lord knows, plenty of people who aren’t blood relations can legally have kids when they have high risks of passing along bad stuff to their kids. In the end, though, the vast majority of people don’t want to have sex with their close relatives, except maybe first cousins in some situations, which is actually legal in a lot of places. But folks generally don’t want to have sex with siblings, parents or grown children. They just don’t. It’s such a small group compared to homosexual folks, which are already a subset of the sexually active adult population, that I don’t see a big rush for people to cry out, “We want incestual marriage legalized.” Sure, it COULD happen, but I just don’t see a big fanbase for that rising up in protest.

My dear conservatives, your slippery-slope theory is slick, but ultimately sloppy.

Why don’t you just drop the same-sex slippery slope theory and move on. You were wrong (and often still are) in terms of your racial views, and the same goes for your same-sex paranoia. Many of you crowing the loudest probably have some same-sex baggage in your closet anyway, so just shut up already.

30
Nov
11

Porn in Perspective

So, I know I teased you all recently (pun intended) that those among you interested in seeing my erotica-writing side might get a little peek at my skills without me giving up my super-secret, more kink-oriented venue under NAME REDACTED. I’m still going to do that, but haven’t quite worked out the best logistics under which to do that (though a story is already written).

In the meantime, do you want to know how I feel about porn?

Well, I’ve mentioned it from time to time around here at the blog (most famously here and here, and some of my views religiously/scripturally have changed since then, but my basic thrust *wink* is the same), but now I’ve also done a guest post about porn and attitudes about it (mostly my own) at Adventures in Estrogen, a blog by one of my Twitter pals Lady Estrogen.

I don’t go into any gory details or reveal any of my own kink areas in it, so it should be relatively safe even for relatives and others who know me in real life to read. Still, you may not want to know why I think there are good things about porn, and so it’s up to you whether to go read it, though I’d love for you to visit Lady Estrogen even if you don’t want to read my piece. And it is…

Porn Is Great & Porn Is Good…Sorta

14
Aug
10

Someone Else’s Wisdom

I follow Roger Ebert on Twitter (his account is ebertchicago) and he is a very prolific and often witty sort. Today, he tweeted a comment left for him (on his blog, I’m guessing), and thought I’d share it here:

Religion is to spirituality what porn is to sex.

Given my two most recent “Deacon’s Wisdom” posts in the past week, I suspect you can guess that I substantially (though not entirely) agree with that sentiment.

21
Mar
09

Hot Pink by Miz Pink

asian-pink-dressTisk Tisk…

Deke has really gotten away from his prurient roots hasn’t he? Deacon Blue indeed. Sure he’s got that naugty language of his still going on around here but where’s the sexual tension we used to enjoy?

Is it up to me?…I guess so.

I mean I like sex and I think I’d like to keep having it in my marriage since I figure that’s the best way to keep Sir Pink from going astray and me from turning to reality shows, the Tyra Banks Show and Lifetime TV for my satisfaction (*shiver*)

Personally I think that as much as we want to chill out when we get married we need to keep at the sex thing and the being sexy thing. Kids and work and chores and stuff make it tough I know but we’ve gotta work at it. Even if it has to be scheduled nothing brings me and my hubby closer than when we get busy. Sometimes I treat it like a chore but just like the household chores, I get into it once I start and I have immense satisfaction when I finish the job right.

The ‘getting sexy’ part isn’t so hard I think. The BEING sexy part is tougher. We all get older. We get bumps and paunches and wrinkles and all sorts of other assorted un-wanteds whether we like it or not. Short of a huge bank account and miracle working cosmetic surgeon on speed dial we’re all gonna start to slip.

But that doesn’t mean we gotta just settle. Flab? Work it off a little bit at a time. Walk, eat more salads, whatever. Even if you wear jammies to bed get some that are coordinated, without holes and look decent. Don’t need to be silky though that’s nice. Nibble on your loved ones ear for no reason. Give neck rubs. Fetch them a glass of water or whatever when they need it. Talk dirty sometimes. Send a flirty e-mail or IM (just make sure to send it to the right person). Make an effort to show you’re still attracted and be as attractive as you can and the rest will follow more easily.

16
Jan
09

Love Lessons by Miz Pink

pinklips-candySo…ahem…it was just like what…a few days ago that Deke and I posted on the topic of sex and I mentioned how it was an important glue to hold the marriage together. Mmmmmm well next time maybe I shouldn’t speak until my own affair are in order. It’s all good now I think but I spoke with authority while in the midst of my own problems. Or maybe it was just Satan getting a jab in at me. I don’t know.

You see last week a certain issue came up between me and Sir Pink and for the sake of protecting identities I won’t say whose problem was who’s. Let’s just say Spouse A and Spouse B and leave the genders out of it okay?

Last week Spouse A expressed a concern about something that was lacking in the sex department. Spouse A did so in the form of a letter and expressed desire to talk about it more spouse to spouse. Week didn’t go well and times and moods weren’t right for that and so the issue was tabled until this week.

A couple days ago Spouse A wanted to talk about it. Spouse B agreed with some reluctance. It still wasn’t a especially good week. Discussion became at points a quasi argument but Spouse B suggested an idea that Spouse A agreed was worth a try.

Next day Spouse A tried to broach subject again so that the two spouses could figure out the ground rules for the suggested idea. Spouse A suggested (unfortunately at the end of the day when Spouse B was in need of down time after a hard day) talking the next day. Spouse B said, “Why not now?” and Spouse A began discussion. Discussion turned bad. Feelings were hurt. Word were yelled. Feet were stomped. Teeth were gnashed. Wailing was heard. In short, discussion became argument. Ultimately a truce was declared and both parties agreed to put anger aside so that cuddling could take place at bedtime.

Following morning, Spouse A and Spouse B resumed discussions. Discussion didn’t become argument but feelings continued to be hurt (mostly Spouse A’s but really both of them got hit hard). Deeper problems were unearthed. Both spouses decided that there had been failings in terms of intimacy going way back. Also, Spouse A may have done (or failed) to do certain things that may not have helped intimacy be what it could have been. Spouses agree to cuddle later in the day, since both will be home early and before kids are around.

Before cuddling commences, Spouse B throws Spouse A a special bone intimacy wise.

Soon thereafter, Spouse A pampers Spouse B a bit.

Spouse A and Spouse B go upstairs to cuddle. Cuddling turns to making up.

I think I can stop there.

I guess what it comes down to is that my own house was in disorder. As a couple we just didn’t have our sexual life where it should be. We had different wants and needs in certain respects and different perspectives (Mars and Venus, anyone?) and we weren’t respecting each other enough in those respects.

Know what I mean?

But in the end despite how rough it was to get to the end we both realized there was not only an problem right in our face but other things we needed to take care of long term for the sake of remaining married (been down the divorce path once and don’t want to take it again) and more important remaining happy married couple.

It was all about sex. And interestingly enough sex was both the problem and the solution. And yet it also wasn’t about sex.

Sex isn’t just relationship glue appareently its also a puzzle wrapped inside a mystery and stuffed inside a riddle that’s decorated with enigma.

14
Jan
09

Everything Old Is New Again?

I try to keep our Two-fer Tuesday topics around here unique. I’ve tried to not cover the same word or concept or theme multiple times. And yet, yesterday, playing to the most carnal common denominator, I went with “Sex”. Longtime astute readers may recall that once in the past, our Two-fer Tuesday topic was “Sex!” I’m going to throw up a feeble defence here. Those were two different topics.

The first time, Miz Pink and myself talked about: Sex!

This week, Miz Pink and myself talked about: Sex

See, one had an exclamation point. One doesn’t. So, that means at some point in the future, when I don’t have a better idea for Two-fer Tuesday…yes, you’ll probably get this one: Two-fer Tuesday: Sex?

13
Jan
09

Two-fer Tuesday: Sex by Miz Pink

pinkdress-pinupMy little brother…Okay he ain’t so little these days but anyway…

My little brother used to love model airplanes and model cars.

But he didn’t have much patience so usually he’d get mom or dad to buy the snap-on models. The ones that didn’t need glue. The only sticky things in em were the decals. Sometimes he’d get one of the planes or cars that used model glue (that stuff stank) but not often.

Thing is, the ones he glued together lasted the longest. They didn’t break as quickly (or at all) and they were the planes still hanging from his ceiling when he went off to college.

Patience vs. impatience. Precision vs. speed. Long run vs. short run.

Sex my friends, is the glue in a good relationship between a couple of adult folks. Well, it’s one of the glues anyway.

Point is that…well…you can have snap-on sex and maybe your relationship doesn’t hold up over the long run (or maybe you luck out and it does) or you can have gluey sex and increase your chances of never divorcing and never regretting those vows.

Your choice.

13
Jan
09

Two-fer Tuesday: Sex by Deacon Blue

loving-touchTwo-fer Tuesday is a bit late in coming today. My fault.

Anyway, to today’s topic for this shindig. Sex has been on my mind a lot lately.

Could you please stop…stop snickering damn it! *Sigh*

OK, sex has been on my mind more “a lot” than usual.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking that frankly, the Christian church as a whole, across denominations and regions of the world, doesn’t seem to do very well with sex. It’s the topic that no one talks about. Aside from mention of folks in Sodom trying to do the nasty with new visitors to town, or various people “knowing” each other, you hardly hear a peep about sex in church.

I think that’s bad.

No, I’m not advocating that pastors and preachers start doing sex-related sermons. Yeesh. Imagine how many parents’ hands would be plastered on kids’ ears in a heartbeat and all the simultaneous strokes and heart attacks suffered by the more traditional folks of middle age or senior years.

But I think it needs to be addressed more. I think there needs to be a mechanism whereby young folks learn about what sex should be and why it’s something special. Not something shameful and also not something to rush into.

Couples about to get married, whether the two have done the do yet or not, need pre-marriage counseling as a routine thing. All churches should require that of couples before they get married in that church. This is an area I’ll give the Roman Catholic Church some credit for. I don’t know exactly what they teach or how well, but last I knew, they did require couples to attend classes before getting married.

Oh, stop laughing. Plenty of priests have had sex, and not with altar boys in most cases, no matter what you want to think. Most of them before becoming priests, but there are some horndog Catholic priests who get feminine treats on the side. And even the real honest-to-God virginal ones can still dispense wisdom of some sort, even if it’s from a fucking manual.

My point is that couples go into relationships—and marriages, with some pretty screwed up ideas about sex. People who think it should only be for making babies. Women who think it’s their duty to give pleasure and do what the husband says, no matter what. Men who think that they’ve done their wife a service just by sticking their dicks in them and wouldn’t know a real orgasm, or how to give one, if their lives depended on it. All of those notions are wrong but they’re also very pervasive among Christians. And there are more.

Sex is part of a loving marriage and something that should be a regular part of our adult lives, not just to procreate but to build better marriages. Keeping the topic of sex undercover and out of sight doesn’t help anyone. No one but Satan, anyway, in my opinion.

17
Dec
08

Gimme Some Lovin’

the_kissSo, I have nothing much on my mind today. I will be posting another installment of my novel soon, possibly tomorrow, but no deep thoughts right now. But I will say this: My brother-in-blogging Big Man had a nice post that generated some good comments recently, about sex/intimacy/relationships. Check it out by clicking here.

I not only say that to drive him some traffic (for those of you who don’t already frequent both of our blogs) but also because I took some of my own advice that I doled out in the comments section.

I made a point of grooming more than just at the basic level. I sprayed some “smell goods” on myself, I even dressed in a button down shirt and tie one day, even though I work at home and my wife does half of her work at home. I have made a pointed effort to walk downstairs to kiss her for no particular reason and just tell her how much I love and desire her.

It’s been a pretty good week so far.

I’m not saying Mrs. Blue and I have had some kind of earth-shattering encounter as a result of this, but we’ve had some intimate moments that went beyond the chaste. More to the point, though, I’ve felt much closer to her in general, and I think she’d say the same. Even if she has been teasing me to stop kissing her neck and get back to work.

In our busy lives, we can fool ourselves into thinking we’re too busy to make time for the person we love. It’s important not to do that, though.

Not just because we want to remind them how much we love them.

But also because we need to remind them why they love us.

18
Nov
08

You Are Here…Just Don’t Tell Anyone

sex-map-partialSo, as I mentioned a couple weeks back, I’m participating in this Blog Off “post every day in November” challenge (click on the link above and you can see some of the others who are doing the same…I think most or all are Christian bloggers). This week, I’m supposed to post at least once on a topic related to sexuality.

Well, twist my arm, huh? You know how shy I am about talking sex.

I’ve had a couple interesting somethings hanging around in my image file and thought I’d share them and share a couple thoughts about them (probably won’t be much religion, if any, in today’s post; just letting you know). Both of them are maps of human sexuality. Honest to God maps, people. I’m not talking about a chart or table that “maps” sexual trends. They are an attempt to graphically represent both the wide range of sexuality among humans, as well as to categorize various interests, kinks and fetishes into groups of similarity, with the imagery of a map.

It’s an interesting exercise. And they are pretty educational if you’re in the mind to learn about what kinks exist that you never imagined could exist. The maps are pretty big (particularly the second one), so I’ve only got thumbnails below. Feel free to either click on the image itself or on the words to the right of it to pull each one up into its own window.

fetishmapbig  Fetish Map as Public Transportation

 sexmap  Your Sexuality Portrayed as a Nation

First, I will say that there are a few stops along the route I’d like to get off on…I mean get off at…er, ah, never mind (in the first map) and a few countries I’d really like to spend a few weeks in (in the second map). I won’t tell you which ones, but I will assure you that none of them involve anything particularly nauseating or horrifying.

Second, while I find the maps interesting and even edifying, I have to say that they also point to the prejudices individuals have about certain sex acts and sexually oriented behaviors.

The “transit map” style one focuses on fetishes/kinks alone, and not really in the context of more vanilla-style sex (at least not any plain stuff in there that I see). It keeps it more focused, but it would have been interesting to know where the more banal, perhaps “suburban”, train stops are.

Now for the huge-ass, nation/island oriented map, which tries to encompass just about everything one could imagine in human sexuality, and not simply fetishes. In fact, it even addresses some psychology in there, with things like the Strait of Self Loathing. You will note that there are some extreme things located beyond a mountain range in the north called the Impassable Reaches. Of course, there are some other pretty nasty and taboo things farther south, too, some of them sequestered on islands and others mixed in with more normal stuff.

So, I get that the idea is to categorize more than to judge. That is, just because something is south of the Impassable Reaches, that doesn’t mean you should do it. But still, I am struck by the fact that spitting is in the realm beyond the Impassable Reaches.

Spitting.

Are we really that uptight?

Look, I guess the idea is that it is being grouped near other things that involve bodily emissions. But I don’t see semen or womanly fluids up there. Those are all in other areas down below (pun may or may not be intended). And how felching (not something I would engage in myself, I should note) ends up in the Impassable Regions while creampies and rimming do not (and they shouldn’t be moved there, either, mind you), I just don’t understand.

But back to the saliva. I mean, really, folks. I get that in public, we would consider spitting on someone rude, but if you want to play with spit in any way, shape or form in the bedroom, that’s hardly “Impassable Reaches” territory. C’mon, just what do you think you’re swapping when you French kiss, anyway?

And frankly, I think golden showers (again, not my thing, let me be clear) are no worse than some of the extreme stuff farther south. At worst, I figure it should be just on the other side of the Impassable Reaches, across from the nastier and unhealthier stuff.

But I don’t draw the maps. I just travel to the places I can afford to get to and feel safe visiting.




Deacon Blue is the blogging persona of editor and writer Jeffrey Bouley. The opinions of Jeff himself on this blog, and those expressed as Deacon Blue, in NO WAY should be construed as the opinions of anyone with whom he has worked, currently works, or will work with in the future. They are personal opinions and views, and are sometimes, frankly, expressed in more outrageous terms than I truly feel most days.

Jeff Bouley

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To find out more about me professionally, click here. To find out more about me generally, click here.

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